of risks and probability

2004-08-03T11:48:00.000-07:00

i was wrong to publish my thoughts so honestly and freely in a public, and not only public, but trackable blog.

it would not be so bad if it were merely public, because then only the people who i told about would be able to find it. but it was also trackable. as in, i left a comment once, awhile ago, on tom hogan's brak blog with his rants about how blogger is better and such that was like "i have a blogger, i just rarely use it due to lack of traffic" and for the http:// address i put this address down. now at the time, i didn't use it and hadn't any idea of what was to become of it. then i started to use it, and, thinking the comment inconsequential, didn't believe anyone visited here except for kate. i am still of that opinion, however, paranoia has left me to delete all of my posts. and also, i have left comments in the past on rachel klem's blogger. i still believe the chance of her reading my own a 1% chance, but it is still a chance and i know from personal experience, if someone wants to, they will find all the links someone leaves behind. i did much the same with gabrielle a little while back. every link she left behind she thought no one would bother to look at: i did look at. each of her pictures were in a file folder that led me to discover a lot of things in other file folders and i am unsure whether she cared or not that i looked at them, but in this occasion, i do very much care to know who is reading and who isn't. but as there is no possible way to be completely assured that no one but the intended recipients of these posts is reading it, i feel it would be best to delete all of these posts. i have them saved on my computer for my own records sake. however, i think it would be best if this information was not disclosed to the general public. i am indeed more comfortable writing on a computer, to the vagueness which is my audience, than in letters or on paper, and i believe that will become my downfall. i am considering making a totally private xanga or livejournal account in which you will require my password to access any of the posts, but that would put the reader at discomfort and often times when a person is placed in a situation of discomfort, he decides reading isn't worth it, and i do not wish that either. perhaps i will just cease to write on the internet, i do not know. i do know, though, that paranoia is going to keep me from writing everything but the most inconsequential and shallow details of my life.

the internet has become too risky of a place for privacy or selected audiences, i know through my own experiences: not of having been in trouble due to myself saying too much and someone discovering it, but due to myself discovering much that i was not supposed to know about. it was not so much that it had a bad impact on me, or that there was any great secret i discovered, it is just somewhat disconcerting to realize you think someone only knows so much about you, and then to realize that they have done their research far better than you dreamed. perhaps i am controlling, but i like to at least know who knows what. the internet allows for everyone to know everything if they try hard enough, and while the probability that they will try hard enough is slim, it is still there, and a chance i am not willing to take.

[insert creative title thingy here]

of risks and probability